Summer ends now, barbarous in beauty (…)
Around, up above, what wind-walks! what lovely behaviour
Of silk-sack clouds!
– Gerard Manley Hopkins –
So, here we are, May already and here by me it’s autumn! I so like this time of the year. The air is cool and damp. We begin to look forward to the winter rains, maybe with a bit of trepidation, hoping that there will be enough of it!
Everything in the garden becomes easier. The soil does not dry out so fast. Feral nasturtiums are popping up all over my garden and I can hardly wait for them to begin flowering. Oh, and the roses are producing a wonderful autumn flush. And of course, the blooms last longer because there is no hot wind making life hard for them. There is a green lushness that can’t be achieved in summer.
Having said all that, I do work hard to NOT long for autumn or spring or for any season that is not happening right now. I do want to experience each day, each season and be there for it, hot or cold. Let the black south easter blow! I might wince and run to water the roses, but it is welcome because this is my life.
It is May and it is autumn and so it is also our anniversary. We have not always been strong at celebrating. I have in the past had almost a fear of making something of a day, creating an occasion. In my distant childhood occasions tended to be when implosions and explosions happened in our house. So I developed an unconscious strategy of letting the big days slide by, almost unnoticed, to keep things peaceful. But in recent years I have started to make myself notice that things are different now. I can celebrate without anxiety.
This year it felt like we were so aware the date was approaching. I knew I wanted to go and swim, and my husband wanted to go and have a meal at the diner on the beach. It is autumn so I walked fast towards the tidal pool. I needed to put energy into my resolve to swim regardless of the temperature of the water. This time of the year there begins to be a bit of fear, a bit of: Can I do this? It was cold and exhilarating and glorious. And so to have our bacon, eggs and potato wedges on the beach. We have had so many happy meals, happy coffee and waffles there. Remembering being there with our children, other family, our grandchild. Remembering walks.
We were looking back on 55 years together. Not always happy, ups and downs, so many adventures, living in different cities, four different countries but here we are in the autumn of our lives and in truth it has all been good because it has brought us here, made us who we are now. Both of us feeling such gratitude that we made it here together. It is autumn and that always urges one to take note, to take stock, to acknowledge the richness life has brought. Autumn brings the harvest, does it not?
If you want to talk about this
come to visit. I live in the house
near the corner, which I have named
Gratitude.
– Mary Oliver –
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